MOURNING BECOMES ELECTRIC

                    Oh this mourning is becoming pure agony, stifling me like a hot humid day,  the desperation and aching to hold and kiss and love him is so strong that it is on the verge of giving me a panic attack, taking deep breaths, trying to focus on something else, trying to keep busy just is not working, this ache that is actually in my heart is overwhelming, the crying is non stop, my al honey was always my comfort zone, always there to soothe me during some trying times in my life, now my rock of gibraltar is gone, crumbled away to nothing as has his life. Today is" I just cannot believe nor accept that he is really gone from my life," I told him towards the end that I did not want to occupy this world without him in it, his pain is over and mine is just beginning, when I think of having to live every single day without him here I just cannot describe the emotions that haunt me.                                                So many family and friends have reached out to me to offer me comfort, support and love and I have come to the conclusion that this is something that I alone, all by myself,  have to deal with as far as my emotions, my feelings,  after all I am the only one that can control my emotions. I was told that crying is part of the healing process, how can you heal when you hurt so much ?  This is something I cannot escape from seeing him in my thoughts, dreams, pictures throughout the house, just about anything at this time will be a trigger point for me. JUST DEAL! FACE REALITY KATHLEEN !  My most favorite saying  "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" is something to grasp onto now, after all millions of people have been in my situation and have dealt with it, so shall I. A very hard, long road is ahead of me and I will face it with fear, trepidation, desperation, I don't know how long this journey down this road will be but I do know when I reach the end of it my al honey will be there to greet me.  I love and miss you desperately my sweet man !!!                                                                             That is all for today my "SPECIAL READERS"  Ta-Ta  for now !!