HE HAS RISEN !

Hubby and Buckwheat his infamous companion 

                                                                                                                                                                                         He is gone, he shall suffer no more, hubby left me and this world on June 29, 2019 at exactly 5pm, I know the exact time because I was right there with him, our son and I were with him when he decided to take his last breath, hubby got his wish he died at home in his bed, my son and I were so glad we could honor his last wish. The only good thing that came out of this was that the evil cancer died with him, it could no longer take over his body like it did, no longer give him the agonizing pain it did, no longer get its satisfaction from his poor worn body, unfortunately it will find someone else to share its evil existence with, I will pray for that stranger.                                                                     Hospice came to help us with hubby on the 26th of June, what sweet angels they were, they supplied the special care that was so comforting to us all, the morphine for hubby to quench his pain and the guidance for us to help with his needs. All of them are truly angels of mercy! We will always be grateful for their love, kindness and comfort. How can I explain the love and devotion our son gave to us during this hour of need, he was our strength during this time, a special devotion to his father and myself. He was an inspiration to me as to how he comforted and so loved his father towards the end, his strength and courage gave me mine. We all say how proud we are of our children, well I can truly boast this point during our time of sorrow, he has been such a comfort to me also since his fathers passing, my boy simply amazes me  I will truly miss him when he goes back home, but life must go on.                                                                                                                                                I have always been awestruck and amazed by people with talent, how one person  can draw a few lines and make a work of art, how some can take words and form them into a song, a book or a poem, how someone can have the talent to mix a few ingredients and form a delicious meal. I came across an angel named vicktoria who has many of these talents however I believe her special one is singing. Her angelic voice gave praise at hubby's service, she sang HIS praises and in return we all praised her singing ability. She was truly blessed with a voice that the angels would envy. I thank her so much for sharing her special talent with us on that special day.                                                      My mother and sister keep telling me how proud they are of me for taking hubby's death so well. I tell them and others that I have been mourning him for the past 6 to 8 months so I have had so much grieving time during this period. Hubby truly left me 3 months ago and a stranger took over, someone who was impersonating my hubby, this impersonator had a completely different personality than hubby, no more laughter from him, some harsh and unkind words, someone I could not hold a conversation with, a person who could not grasp a hold of what I was trying to convey to him. I think if I had lost hubby say in an accident where he was taken from me suddenly it would be a different story, I would be totally grief stricken, in shock, my world completely collapsing around me. This type of death hubby went through was long and mournful  so most of my grieving was during this period of time. They do not know that deep down inside I have pain that will never go away, a void that will exist in me for the rest of my natural life, I do have days where I cry uncontrollably but I have had those days for the existence of this illness of his.  I worry about my son how this grief will impede on his life, he is strong but death treats us all differently as to how we mourn. I worry about the in-laws, his family, will they treat me differently, back away, I hope not because I truly love them as my hubby did.                                                                                                                                                             The services for hubby were phenomenal, so many came, so many who loved and respected him, so many true friends and family arrived that day, it was a non stop day, an overwhelming day of emotions and people, I will admit the hardest part was the first viewing and the last viewing, the last viewing being the toughest and most hurtful experience of my life. So much love yet to give and not being able to share it with him anymore is a feeling I have no words for. The beautiful and numerous flower displays from family, friends and former business colleagues. The family and friends  you have not seen for awhile arriving and bringing tears to my eyes upon my seeing them.  Such a day of hustle and bustle and a long one too. My grief was their grief too.                                    The following day brought fewer people, words and prayers were spoken and the sweet singing angelic voice of Vicktoria were sung. We all gave hubby our final goodbyes however that sweet loving caring man will be with us forever and I myself will never say goodbye to him. We had a nice luncheon in his honor and our son gave a speech toasting him with his infamous "Strohs" beer. Another day that will live in infamy.  That is all for today my " SPECIAL READERS "  Ta-Ta for now !