LETTING GO

                   It's 4am I am sitting in my room, looking at the full moon peeking from behind the dark clouds, listening to the birds waking and singing from their night's sleep, I can hear the train horn off in the distance, it will get louder and closer in a minute or two, my cup of coffee is just the right temperature to savor the flavor, ah ! what could be more enjoyable than this !!!  Soon I will have to let this go, you see as I am sitting here enjoying these precious moments my hubby is lying in his bed, slowly slipping away, oh, how I wish he could take this all in as I am. I know we would be asking each other " What bird do you think that one is, making that beautiful song"  I would be telling him the only thing that would make this a perfect morning is if the owl gave a "hoot", I can hear the mourning doves now, how appropriate as I am mourning right along with them, now I just heard the deep croak of a frog on our pond. Sad to know I have to let this all go.                                                                    We had another Dr. appointment yesterday poor hubby lost another 13 pounds in a two week period, he is so weak and tired, he told the Dr. he is ready to go,  he has no appetite anymore, lost his desire to eat, so far this journey has taken 117 pounds from his body. He is too tired and weak to bathe himself anymore, he sleeps 18 to 20 hours a day, he said he is done, finito, it is time to let it go. We will be having transition care coming to visit now, another CT scan to be done within the next few days to see if this God awful cancer has progressed elsewhere in his worn depleted body, another Dr. visit next week to see if hospice is to be arranged yet, hubby said to just get it done and over with, just to please let it go.                                                                                                                                                             I have always had a hard time telling this man "NO" let's face it he is spoiled by me, but I in return am spoiled by him, we have always tried to make one another happy, I have known this man for 53 of my almost 67 years, we have shared the same household together for 47 years, next week it will be 48 years, that's right another wedding anniversary coming up, we spoil each other on that day too we go out for our once a year "fancy dinner" his is either lamb chops or veal chops, mine is prime rib medium well please !  An expensive luxury once a year. I will miss it this year as will he but then again we must just let it go.                                                                                                                                        We have been fighting this battle together since march of 2018 of course he has always been at the front line while i am on the battlefield sidelines watching his back all the time, forever by his side watching out for him and helping as much as I could, I know that as with all wars this one is coming to an end very soon, we are both battle weary, tired, him more so than I for he is the one that took on 99% of the heavy load, but again I have always had his "6",  time to let this one go too. The only thing I will never let go is my love and devotion to this man because you see  "He is my hero, my knight in shining armor" Cancer may have won this battle or war but I will never, ever let it go !!!                    That is all for today my  "SPECIAL READERS"  Ta-Ta for now.