NO REST FOR THE WEARY SOUL

Well, tired is not the word i can use more like a hangover feeling, i have only had 2 hangovers in my 66 years but somehow you don't forget what they feel like, headachy, cobwebs in head, a little dizzy but this feeling is not due to the abuse of alcohol it is from lack of sleep, crying and now anger.                  well it looks like mr. barr and i are going to take up residence again in "cancer city", if u read my book u will get my meaning. mr. barr went for his yearly exam for his occular melanoma and lo and behold another tumor has invaded his eye right next to the other one. now occular melanoma is a rare cancer first we were told, 1 in 6 million chance, then 1 in 600, 000, then 1 in 6,000. too many 666's for me. his dr.whom is a specialist said this is only the third time he has seen this in his 38 yrs of practice, at least he didn't throw another 6 at us. on our first visit when we had found out about this first tumor we had asked how long this tumor was there we were told possibly a year or more, this new tumor which is bigger arrived in 4 months, talk about AGGRESSIVE now more ct scans and mri's to make sure this bastard thing has not spread. if not he will have  his right eye completely removed in 2 weeks providing it is contained in eye only. so prayers are needed please. That was our news yesterday after our visit to Univ or Illinois medical center. I did not accompany Mr. barr yesterday due to the fact on my first visit there with my son and hubby i was asked to refrain from going, i was more of a hindrance, i have to use a walker and have to stop quite often and i was holding them back, No problem since i was in the high anxiety mode from the beginning of that visit. Thank God for family who were able to take him back and forth for those visits.                                                                                                                                                            You know i just don't get it you scrimp and save all your life to have a little extra income for your golden years and it can be gone in less than a year due to medical bills, With all of these new tests ordered mri's ct scans, ultrasounds, lab work dr and hospital and don't forget surgeons, anesthesiologists, those bills will probably be more than what our house is worth. No one prepares for this dilema or do they, we sure as hell didn't, let alone the pain and suffering and stress that comes along with it.                                                                                                                                                                    Now we are on pins and needles again waiting for good news or bad, after Mr. barr's visit to ER 2 weeks ago for agonizing back and center back pain i do not see a good prognosis to this outcome. I have never seen my hubby suffer with pain like that, their diagnosis  "muscle spasms" after being there for over 6 hrs  (geez, i just realized there is that number 6 again) if that pain he endured were muscle spasms then i am a virgin people !!!                                                                                                                       We were told Dr. Miehler from Uof I health is the best in this field, he has patients come from all over the USA for his speciality in this field of cancer, but no Dr. no matter how good he is can perform miracles or can they? All we can do at this point is play the waiting game, a game i hope we will win !!                                              TA-TA for now my SPECIAL READERS !